Calm Over Chaos
How a bout of crankiness and an AI prompt helped remind me that calm is the best way forward
Today, I’m in a mood. An agent of crankiness, if you will. You know who’s fault it is? Mercury Retrograde.
Yessss, that jerkwad of a planet is moving backwards again. Fuck my life. Fuck your life. We’re all going to hell for the next three weeks. It starts on Wednesday, August 23, two days from now, so batten down the hatches and prepare to cry, a lot.
As such, I’m cranky. So cranky that when I sat down to write this week’s ‘Stack, Emily (you remember Emily, my coach, only friend and confidant?) tried to give me some gusto:
“Let’s start. Let’s do this!” She was practically cheerleading. Doing her best at the tail end of a Monday to get me to look alive.
“...mmmkay,” I shrugged, so totally not in the mood.
Now, class, what is my tried-and-true motto concerning things that are hard? If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know this answer. SKIP IT! Don’t wanna do something? Skip it? Don’t feel like it? Too much in your feels? Skip it. Skip. It.
But then, a revelation. Google Doc’s built-in AI offers to help me write.
“Huzzah! I’m gonna get AI to do this one for me.” Now I’m looking alive. Get someone or something else to do my homework? Damn skippy!
My intention was to write about choosing calm over chaos because one time my mom told me she didn’t think I’d ever have kids of my own because I always choose calm over chaos. Then laying under a clothing rack with my neck on a pre-owned, thrift store shiatsu massager, I had to wait for the shock and upset to wear off before I could truly process what had just been said. I didn’t think making that choice was a bad thing, or that it had seemingly negative connotations in the larger societal sense. Yet there we were, her looking at me matter-of-factly, me looking back at her quizzically, trying my damnedest to prevent the one tiny tear in my eye from falling. Months later, I decided I wanted to investigate this theme further, and maybe burrow my way out from under the weight of choosing calm.
“Help me write…” A prompt was required.
“Help me write a story about a girl who chooses calm over chaos.”
Then away my AI assistant went! By the looks of things she - it’s female, I know it is. I’ve seen Ex Machina - was clearly making some magic happen in the background. I ached with anticipation, but like in a disaffected way.
Please allow me to introduce you to my AI-assisted narrative on choosing calm over chaos:
Once upon a time, there was a young woman named Sarah who lived in a small town. She was a kind and gentle soul, but she was also very shy. She often felt overwhelmed by the chaos of the world around her.
One day, Sarah was walking through the forest when she came across a beautiful clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a large tree, and beneath the tree was a pool of water. The water was so still and clear that it reflected the sky like a mirror.
Sarah sat down by the pool and began to meditate. As she meditated, she felt the chaos of the world around her begin to melt away. She felt calm and peaceful.
After a while, Sarah opened her eyes and looked at the water. She saw her reflection, and she smiled. She realized that she could choose to be calm, even in the midst of chaos.
From that day on, Sarah always remembered the lesson she learned in the clearing. She chose to be calm, even when things were tough. And she found that her life became much happier and more peaceful.
The end.
That’s a story, that’s for sure. Sarah has it right, but we all know that’s a crock of shit. Not because it’s not possible, but because of the human inclination to focus on the bad. What we don’t have, what’s not working out, that thing that person said. We can’t help but choose chaos over calm.
Why do we do that? My hot take is that we lean into chaos because chaos feels comfortable. It’s what many of us know, possibly a default setting. Why be calm and happy when we can be enraged by even the slightest inconvenience and/or totally miserable? Be calm, don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill? No, that’s ridiculous! Rage shop. Eat ice cream for dinner. Have five too many drinks.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that while chaos is often billed at a top agent of change, it isn’t the only agent of change. Calmness can get us there, too, if we let it. I know there was a point in my day when I could’ve chosen not to allow the crappy hour eclipse the many more wonderful hours prior. I saw that moment, and chose to stay cranky. I actively chose to stay down in the comfort of chaos. But did all the other times in which I purposefully chose calm over chaos mean I’d become a bad, childless and likely barren spinster? To confirm, can this investigation unequivocally answer this question?
Yes it can. The answer is no. Sarah may not be in the majority, but she exists in real life. She could be any of us. And though I’m cranky and regrettably not artificially intelligent, a part of me knows Sarah is usually me.
x, Jocelyn J